So, I was just scrolling through some bizarre fashion advice online and stumbled upon a treasure trove of terrible beauty tips aimed at women over 40. Like, who comes up with this stuff? Seriously, some people shouldn’t have internet access. One piece of advice was to “embrace your mature beauty” by basically wearing lead-heavy foundation that makes you look like you’re about to perform in a kabuki play. Uh, no thank you! That stuff sinks into wrinkles and makes them pop like neon signs.
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Then there was advice about using bright blue eyeshadow to make your eyes “stand out.” Yeah, they’ll stand out, alright. But more in a ‘someone needs to call an intervention’ kind of way. And let’s not even get started on the eyebrows. There’s this trend suggesting women should shave half of them off to draw them back on in these weird arches. Because apparently, everyone needs to channel their inner Cruella de Vil once they hit 40?
Another gem was about eternal youth being achievable if you just contour the hell out of your face. You know, because naturally aging is for losers or something. I’m all for a little contouring, but they’re asking us to practically paint landscapes on our faces. This is not an art class! And then there are the skincare tips recommending slathering honey mixed with fermented potato peel on your face before bedtime for “a glowy look.” That’s just going to attract ants, not compliments.
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And can we talk about lipstick colors? There’s a bizarre obsession with thinking older women need to wear nudes or pale pinks only, as if a bold red might cause spontaneous combustion. Newsflash: lipstick isn’t going to explode because you turned 40.
My eyes still hurt thinking about it all. Maybe I need to lay off the advice and just stick to a coffee detox. Ugh.