So, I was thinking about all the times I’ve tried to follow some over-the-top makeup tutorial (looking at you, Duffys Health & Beauty) and ended up looking like a distracted clown. You know, the disastrous look where your contour is so strong, you could cut cheese with it? Ah, the memories.
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The best part about these attempts is when you’re almost convinced you’ve nailed it—until you catch a reflection in the bathroom mirror and realize you somehow managed to turn yourself into a Picasso painting. One time, I was doing this look that was supposed to be all sleek and glam (ha, wishful thinking), and by the end, I kid you not, I looked like I went through a wind tunnel.
Have you ever tried using banana powder? And no, it’s not some new superfood. It’s that finishing powder that’s supposed to make your face flawless. In reality, it just makes me look like I face-planted into a bowl of flour. Why do we do this to ourselves? Oh wait, probably because we saw a crazy tutorial once where it worked perfectly on screen. Surprise, it was probably edited. Shocker.
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And don’t even get me started on the ‘natural look.’ You know, the one that takes a full hour and a dozen products just to pretend you woke up like this. I tried it once before meeting someone (why did I even bother?) and looked so ‘natural’ that I was asked if I was feeling okay because I seemed paler than usual. Nailed it.
Anyway, makeup is like this weird, magical world where we all pretend we’re enjoying the journey, not stressing about the destination—a familiar circus of being a human canvas. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.