Right off the bat, I was hit with a wave of bright pink wigs and even pinker lipstick. I just saw someone attempt a winged liner that threatened to wrap around their ear—flawless execution or accidental raccoon look? Who knows. Watching this whole ‘Beauty Tips’ thing unfold with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova is like watching a confetti-bomb of glitter and sarcasm explode in a department store’s makeup aisle. Imagine a tornado meeting the Ulta showroom, and you’re halfway there.
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So, apparently, contouring can transform your face into a totally different human, or at least, that’s what Trixie says. I mean, they contoured so much I swear I saw a shadow dimension on their cheeks. And then there’s Katya, who combines classic glam with, well, insanity. Picture this: they’re waxing on about highlighting cheekbones like you’re trying to alert satellite imaging of your presence. Mind you, half this stuff feels like esoteric drag queen witchcraft, but they make it seem totally normal.
And can we talk about the lashes? Those things were the size of a small bird. I couldn’t stop staring! But honestly, they pull it off with startling ease, unlike my miserable attempts at putting on falsies (usually ends up with lash glue in my eye—classy, I know). Maybe drag queens just have that mystical power, a Jedi-like mastery of the force… of glam. My eyes are watching unnaturally large lids being painted like canvases at these breakneck speeds, and the precision is unreal, especially since they chat so nonchalantly about last night’s trashy reality TV.
What caught me completely off-guard was their not-so-serious take on lip fillers tips, delivered by Trixie, of course. They go on about lining lips like you’re a wannabe Picasso drawing their latest abstract masterpiece. (Seriously, people do this?) Anyway, the payoff is worth it—I mean, those lips look like they’ve just kissed an art exhibit.
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It’s all infectious, though. This duo brings such vibrant chaos that it kinda makes you wanna try turning your daily routine into a drag-perfected ritual, even if my version would just look like a palette exploded on my face. Oh, and the setting spray tip—not to fix your face, but to ‘finely chisel your dermal work of art’—was the icing on this colorful, glittery cake.
Maybe I’ll give it a whirl; maybe I’ll prank my Zoom meeting tomorrow looking insanely fabulous or fabulously insane. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.