So I stumbled across this idea of “underblushing” today. Seriously, why do people complicate everything? Apparently, it’s this genius move where you slap cream blush on your face before layering it with foundation, hoping for some kind of magical inner glow. Here’s a thought. Just blush normally. Who comes up with this stuff, anyway? It’s like trying to hide veggies in a smoothie—you’re just blending blush under foundation instead of drinking kale in your breakfast.
You know what happens when you attempt this? Either you look like you have some minor skin condition going on under your canvas of foundation or it all disappears into the aether, lost forever. Can we just use blush on top like normal aliens in this dimension? I guess not because we are obsessed with reinventing the wheel and pretending it’s edgy.
And don’t get me started on “subtle contouring.” Guh. Apparently, that means spending more time buffing brown stripes onto your face and then smoothing them out until they’re practically invisible while calling that ‘soft.’ Pretty sure most people can’t tell you did anything special after half an hour of precision coloring. But hey, if wearing three layers of face paint makes you feel like a celebrity every day, then by all means—but I’m bored now. Whatever.