So, what’s the deal with this whole ‘pearl skin’ nonsense? Seriously, we’ve moved from wanting our faces to look like glass—cold, emotionless glass—to now mimicking pearls! They’re talking about some satin luminosity that’s somehow office-appropriate. Office-appropriate my foot. When did someone wake up and decide pearl finish was the epitome of sophistication? I mean, as if holding up with work isn’t hard enough, now you have to worry about your face shining like some aquatic gem? That’s exactly what we all need. More pressure.
Imagine spending precious time dealing with primers boasting fine mica particles. For what? So you can glow like a mermaid at your cubicle? I’ve seen these bottles costing more than dinner for two at a decent place. But who cares about food when your skin can resemble sea jewelry, right? The beauty industry’s got its priorities straight. What happened to just being able to roll out of bed and slap on whatever powder is closest at hand? Now it’s all about multi-step routines with different layers to achieve that ‘fresh out of the oyster’ look.
Anyway, if you get through this absurdity and feel like drowning yourself in more beauty woes, there’s always more pearls of wisdom. I’m done pretending that rubbing pearl particles on your face is somehow transformative. It’s not.