Scrolling mindlessly through social media, I stumble upon this trend – learn bridal makeup online. Yeah, because painting your own face for one of the most nerve-wracking days of your life is just what everyone needs. (Totally sarcasm here.) The title ‘Online Class | Bridal Makeup Step By Step | Makeup Tutorial For Beginners’ already sounds like an oxymoron. Like, beginners tackling bridal makeup? Sure, Jan.
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So, picture this. You start with high hopes, a YouTube or TikTok tab open, your face bare, your makeup tools that you bought in excitement lay ready for battle. Spoilers: for us makeup rookies, it’s a battle we surrender to. I mean, does anyone even know what all those brushes do? And who even knew that primer was a thing?
Anyway, the instructor (a makeup guru with perfect skin, as usual) begins… Step one, two, three, seven. Voilà! On her face and voila, I look like a clown that failed a paint-by-numbers kit. Seriously, what sorcery allows them to blend colors to create something stunning that I can’t even replicate on a good day? And yeah, I couldn’t resist trying to do the eyeshadow thing. Reality check: panda eyes. Again. Maybe my blending technique involves sending a swarm of bees to do the job.
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For the full contouring fiasco, they say, ‘Just use the lightest shade in your palette for highlighting and the darkest for contouring.’ But unless you’re familiar with the vast magical kingdom of makeup (a young Harry Potter in the beauty classroom, maybe?), you’re probably swiping them across your face like a deranged artist.
And bridal makeup – I mean, it’s not enough for the wedding day stress to handle, attempting glitter eyeliner for the first time, is everyone’s rosy dream, right? Yeah, no. And that picture-perfect winged liner? Only ends up looking like sharpie’s had a rough week.
My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.