I just saw a makeup tutorial titled ‘Step by step bridal makeup tutorial’ and my head’s spinning. Honestly, who thought it was a good idea to cram so many steps into one face? Like, weddings are meant to be a celebration, not a stamina test with an eyeshadow palette.
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The amount of products you need is bonkers. Primer, foundation, concealer – like can we ever come to a mutual understanding that concealer concealing the stress of wedding planning is more important? And who even has time to blend like it’s an Olympic sport? Oh, and the brushes… Seriously, they have one for every occasion as if a wedding is a picnic you plan with a full artillery.
Now let’s talk about the eyebrows. Doesn’t matter if you’re gifted with caterpillar brows or a barely-there model, you have to sculpt them into submission. Or at least into something that resembles two distant cousins who secretly hate each other. And the pressure to balance them out! I spent more time pondering over symmetrical eyebrows than I did selecting my wedding venue.
And then comes the hair. Wedding hair is an entire nightmare on its own. Seriously, if you think fighting with curling irons and bobby pins is fun, you clearly haven’t walked through the scorching path of bridal hair troubles. My memory of that curling wand is a blur of burnt fingertips and hairspray clouding my vision. It’s almost like the bridal gods condensed all their mischief into one spray can and unleashed chaos.
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So, there’s also lipstick. But, smile-proof lipstick… Exists? Because the moment any stress sweat hits your smile lines, that perfectly painted pout ends up resembling a crime scene. Not that anyone warned me at first! It’s tragic, but it also feels like a rite of passage to ruined-table-linens at the dessert bar.
Anyway, the tutorial wasn’t a complete trash fire. The mascara part didn’t seem too dangerous (until I looked like I’d walked through an emo punk festival), and when the eyelash glue didn’t betray me, it was almost magical for five seconds. Until I blinked rigorously and lost an entire lash strip to my waterline.
In the end, no tutorial can prepare you for the real thing. Embrace the chaos, and hope your wedding photographer understands Photoshop. Weddings are supposed to be fun, not a demonstration in fine motor skills and risk management. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.