So, everyone’s raving about this Pearl Skin garbage like it’s the next coming of skincare miracles. Seriously? We’re all supposed to pretend we’re walking around with non-greasy, satin-like faces that sound more like a furniture polish advertisement than actual human skin. It’s all about some convoluted soft-focus luminosity nonsense. As if my pores are just dying, waiting to be blurred by some primer packed with fine mica specks. Are we pearls or people, for crying out loud?
Don’t even get me started on how it’s “more wearable” for the office because God forbid anyone has a natural sheen while slaving away under fluorescent lights. The last thing I want to do at 7 a.m. is pearlescent-ify myself. Real people sweat, and this faux-pearlescent glaze is just another sales gimmick from beauty brands who clearly have too much time on their hands playing with face shine formulations. Check out how far off base they actually are.
But sure, let’s all jump on the bandwagon and pretend our faces should resemble a strand of cultured pearls. And then maybe I’ll sprinkle my hair with glitter so it can also shimmer under those blinding office lights. Whatever.