So, I saw this thing about losing 8 KG in a month. Yeah, 8 KG, like how insane is that? It’s all thanks to a diet plan by Ayesha Nasir. Whoever she is, she claims you can shed your stubborn weight in just 31 days flat. Honestly, I haven’t tried it. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t need it, but that would be a comedy special on its own.
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I mean, for starters, does anyone have the discipline for a month-long diet? It’s August! There’s probably some summer BBQ you’re going to crash at least once, and don’t forget those tempting ice cream trucks. But they say—this magical meal plan requires sipping on a concoction (I swear everything involves these now) of lemon and ginger water every morning. Apparently, it boosts your metabolism. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but the thought of chugging ginger water before coffee…I just can’t.
And then there’s this idea of eating like bowls of salads and steamed vegetables with some mysterious homemade yogurt sauce. Don’t get me wrong—I love a good salad but EVERY MEAL? Also, I tried doing a thing where I’d eat only 7 almonds each morning. Yeah, ended up eating the whole pack of roasted almonds by lunch. Tell me I’m not alone in this.
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Supposedly, Ayesha has other meals lined up in this plan that should make losing these kilos a piece of cake (uh, maybe not cake). That’s the funny thing, though, you’d think anyone who’s got this diet down to a tee would make it seem like skipping past a bakery is easy. I doubt that. You see, not all of us are disciplined Keto Warriors or Paleo Protectors. I saw this article on people just wearing whatever they want and honestly, I’d much rather embrace that fashion rebellion than subject myself to weeks of diet torment.
The better question is, what’s the point of even living off bland food? For a month, it’s like dulling your summer glow. I guess everyone’s trying to shrink their waistline into those vintage Levi’s jeans, but why stress when it’s hot outside? My eyes still hurt thinking about it all. I need coffee. Ugh.